Oh No!

Hospitalization and Fawl Out Bwahs

Ashley-Marie — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 09:40:51 +0000

Well, I haven’t been updating as much. I had a weigh-in scheduled for today, but it’s not happening. Today is my Fall Out Boy concert. It’s gonna be so awesome because I’m in Overcast Kids (the fan club). All the other OCKs are really nice and I get to hang out with them. I only have a ride early in the morning though. It’s 4:34 am now, I’m gonna be waiting in line before 8 am. I’m taking snacks with me to share with all the early OCKs. I’m worried about being in the pit, because I felt a little sick last night, and my tummy feels queasy today, but that might be because I won meet and greet, so I get to meet the band. I almost died when I found out.

The only thing is I might not be on here afterwards for awhile. I’ve been having some problems managing my bipolar recently, and my mom feels I’m getting worse and need to be hospitalized for evaluation and observation. I told her I didn’t give a shit what she did with me as long as I saw Fall Out Boy first. So true to her word, I will be going to Children’s Hospital on Thursday morning or Wednesday night. I don’t know how long I’ll be gone, but I’ll update with a weigh in as soon as I get out. Love ya guys.

~ash

Whoa…

Ashley-Marie — Sun, 14 Jan 2007 15:20:42 +0000

Whoa, life hasn’t been going so good. My friend hooked me up with this boy, and I really liked him, and he kept leading me on like he liked me, then he asked me to call him the next day, and then suddenly started ignoring me. I was like whoa, that’s some harsh rejection. Not to mention my eating and exercise habits haven’t been going so well. I’ve just been all over the place, and while I have been eating alot better than I used to, and maintaining my weight, I’m still not doing as well as I like. I’m aiming to be 200 pounds by January 17th. I refuse to weigh in until that day.

Well, anywhoo, I’m off to clean the house, burn some calories, whatnot.

Water, Water Everywhere!

Ashley-Marie — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 14:29:30 +0000

After looking back on how far I’ve come in just this week, I realized that there is one thing I totally forgot. Water. This entire week I have not had a drop of pure water. Probably because I hate tap water and we can’t afford bottled water or a filter for the tap. All I’ve had is juice and soda.

Well, no more! I will overcome my loathing for tap water, and since we’re saving money on food because we’re buying less, maybe I can eventually get some bottled water.

I have a weakness for flavored water. It’s so yummy! But I don’t have many bottles to hold my water in. But I do have 2 wine bottles I was supposed to throw out this morning. Each holds the same as 3 glasses of water. So I filled them up with that yucky tap water (I didn’t feel like boiling it). Then I put a teeny bit of lemon juice and a packet of artificial sweetener in it to cover up that tap water taste. So, 3 glasses of water per bottle, that’s 6 glasses of water a day. I know we’re supposed to have 8 glasses, but I’m gonna start with 6 and work my way up.

At least I realized that I wasn’t getting enough water. Maybe this will solve my water retention problem because the fact is I retain water like crazy simply because I don’t get enough.

So one bottle of my low-cal lemonade water is sitting in the fridge chilling, meanwhile I’m sipping on the other one. I’ll come back at the end of the day and let ya know if I got all 6 glasses of my water today.

Good luck to everyone else, and drink your water!

By the way… Weigh In: 202.6 lbs!!! Go me!!!

Rainy Monday

Ashley-Marie — Mon, 08 Jan 2007 17:09:07 +0000

Hmm, so it’s rainy outside, but that hasn’t ruined my mood. In fact, I love the rain. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had a fondness for rain storms. The worse the storm, the more I enjoyed it. I guess that’s pretty weird, but whatever.

Anywhoo, this morning I weighed in at 203.7! Almost to my first goal of 200 pounds. Go me.

Well, this is a small update, but it’s an update nonetheless. I’m waiting for a package I ordered that was supposed to be here BEFORE the holidays to arrive. This year my mom gave me money for the holidays, so I could buy my own presents, which was awesome. I ordered a bunch of Clandestine merchandise. They told me my ordered had shipped, and would be here before Christmas. Christmas came and went, and still no package. It turns out they shipped the package, but it was never picked up, and no one could find it. It was like my package just dissappeared. I understand that mistakes happen, so I wasn’t angry, and they kindly put together another package for me, and made sure it was sent out. They said it would be here by the 11th, so I’m patiently waiting, though I would love it if it got here before then.

Well, that’s all that’s going on today, I might update later.

Blah Blah Blah!

Ashley-Marie — Sun, 07 Jan 2007 00:06:57 +0000

Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!

I did pretty good today. I’m getting ready for bed now.

I cried a little today about the whole boyfriend situation. My mom made me feel better.

In terms of eating, I’m going to try to eat a little more tomorrow, and keep up with my exercise.

Just giving a brief update. I’m in a weird mood right now. I have nothing to write, but I felt like writing.

Well, goodnight!

Not Again

Ashley-Marie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 19:55:09 +0000

Well, I recieved a comment about how little I’ve been eating, also my mom has said something about it. I called one of my therapists and she told me to be careful, because it appears that I am slipping back into an eating disordered mindset. She said to eat a little bit more to prevent the ED-NOS cycle. See, at the worst point of my eating disorder, I would fast for 2-7 days, then binge, then heavily restrict, then fast, then binge, etc. She said I’m restricting by too much and it will lead to binging, which will lead to fasting and laxative abuse on my part to pay for the binge.

This really bothers me. I don’t want to slip back into an eating disorder, but I feel so good when I eat so little. I feel strong and in control when I barely eat, then exercise alot. But that scares me. Because it’s hell. Because in the end, you’re not in control at all.

I’m going to try to increase the content of my meals a little bit, because I don’t want to get back into that habit.

Thanks to Erin for your concern, I’m going to try to do better.

Today’s Plan

Ashley-Marie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 18:51:48 +0000

I think this is the best I’ve felt in a long time.

FOOD!

Breakfast:
Cup of coffee
1/2 a grapefruit
1 egg, scrambled

Lunch:
1 Whole Wheat Bagel

Dinner:
Small portion of steak
Salad (Lettuce, Cucumber, Tomato) with fat free dressing

Dessert:
Sugarfree Strawberry Smoothie

EXERCISE!

30 minutes on the treadmill in the morning
25 minutes on the treadmill in the afternoon
15 minutes on the treadmill in the evening

70 minutes total on treadmill

*****

I’m so excited about this! I’ve been in such a good mood!

Dammit!

Ashley-Marie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 05:27:41 +0000

It’s 12:19 am, and I just finished 2 huge bowls of spaghetti. I’m in a panic, because this wasn’t supposed to happen. I do realize that I’m going to make mistakes, but I don’t understand, because I was doing so well. But I guess it happens, so I’m ready to move on.

The weird thing is, usually a 2 bowls of spaghetti turns into a full binge. Right now I’ve got 2 bowls of spaghetti in my system and I’m completely stuffed. Which means my stomach is used to small meals now. Which is a good thing.

I wasn’t going to admit to eating the spaghetti. I was going to keep it a secret. But I want to be honest here, if I can’t be honest anywhere else. We all make mistakes, and sometimes we fall down, but we should keep trying, no matter what.

Ain’t that so motivational?

Finishing Up My Day 3

Ashley-Marie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 02:26:09 +0000

Well, it’s the end of day 3, and I’ve stuck to my plan so far. I had a little bit more smoothie than planned, but not much. I’m doing great. I’ve also realized I have more energy, and I sleep better at night. Both were problems for me. While I still suffer depression, my moods have greatly improved. Also, my skin seems much prettier. My face is as smooth as a baby’s bottom. Yes, I believe I just compared my face to an infant’s ass. Anywhoo, life is going good, and I’m so happy. I can’t believe how much difference a change in eating habits and a little exercise can make.

Blogging is really helping me stay on track. I’m so excited to see how much better I feel tomorrow.

My mom said if we followed this until the end of the month and beyond, we would probably rarely eat fast food, because it will probably make us sick. I guess because our bodies are going through detox. I’m so happy.

Hope everyone else is doing good!

Strawberry Smoothie

Ashley-Marie — Sat, 06 Jan 2007 02:18:51 +0000

Well, I had a strawberry smoothie I made myself for dessert. I experimented a bit, and it turned out yummy! Here’s what I did.

A cup of ice
A cup and a half of strawberries
2 cups of sugar free plain yogurt
3 small packets of artificial sweetener

Mix all of that in a blender. We don’t have a blender so I used a food processor. Mix until ice is completely grinded into tiny pieces. Pour in a glass and enjoy! Serves 2.

I love yummy desserts without the guilt. Feel free to mess around with this. Use different fruits, add more sugar, take away the sugar, whatever you like! Have fun with it!